The Plan

I just finished watching The Adjustment Bureau on the recommendation of a friend.  I’m surprised I didn’t see it in the theatre as I’m a big Matt Damon fan and I think Emily Blunt is fantastic to watch.  Most likely I just got busy doing other things and it was out of the theaters before I made time to see it.  For whatever reason, I missed it’s general release but on a recent trip, this was the movie that was being played coincidentally westbound and eastbound.  Turns out maintenance hadn’t put the correct film on the westbound plane loading this one instead.  So I was kind of getting the message that I should be watching this film.  I’d put it in my Netflix queue but it was in the middle of the list.  Alright, alright, I’ll watch it.  Sheesh.

The story was very well done, with exciting twists and turns, love, dance, politics, religion, loss.  You name it, it was in the film in a well crafted way.  I most definitely can recommend it’s watching.  But because of our descent and arrival at our destination, I missed the very last scene of the film so I was very happy to have it replayed on the journey home.  And it holds up well to being replayed.  I picked up things I’d missed before.  Anywho the VO at the end, and I don’t think this will ruin the story for you, spoke about The Plan.  The Plan for each of us.  And how we have a choice.  No matter what or how many obstacles are thrown in our path, we can choose go along with them on path of least resistance, or we can to plow right through them to achieve what we want.  The second option isn’t going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it.  Just watch.

Myopia

A long time ago, I was diagnosed with myopia, also known as nearsightedness.  It started about 5th grade when I couldn’t read the signs on the road when I was in the car with my parents.  I started squinting to compensate and bring into focus what I couldn’t see. Glasses were prescribed to be followed by contacts when I also needed braces and my Mom had my back by saying “she can’t have braces and glasses at the same time.  It’s too much to endure both at once.”  Whew!  Dodged that bullet.

Fast forward after many years of sticking round concave pieces of polymers, plastic, in my eyes.  Technology has advanced to the point where a 10 minute procedure fixes this condition and I no longer have to deal with not being able to see the alarm clock in the morning.  Of course, now I’m dealing with dry eye syndrome that seems to happen post lasik.  But that’s another story.

While my physical myopia has been dealt with, myopia can exist in many other ways.  It’s second definition is lack of imagination, foresight or intellectual insight.  So many suffer from this kind of myopia, doing the mundane, not seeing the big picture or failing to see beyond what they know.  Not believing that anything is possible ‘out there’, that the only truth is what is in front of you and this doesn’t change.  Having a vision that is small and close or having no vision at all.  That’s a scary outlook but I realized that there are times when I adopted this myopic viewpoint.  It’s easy to do, especially when you aren’t getting positive feedback on your efforts, you aren’t booking auditions or even getting called to audition in the first place.  Believing your efforts are for naught and it’s all a waste of time.  Not seeing that the seeds I’m planting today will bear fruit in the months and years to come.

Our instant gratification society adds to this myopia.  With instant results to be gained by the touch of a button it’s so easy to think ‘well that didn’t work.  I’m obviously not going to be a success.’ Because if it doesn’t work immediately, it must be a failure right? Being able to see beyond the myopia and embrace the fact that maybe you don’t know how prolific your efforts will be isn’t easy. Especially for this girl who has been known (allegedly) to skip to the end of a book to see what happens instead of letting the story unfurl as it should.  Find the faith to know with certainty that you will be rewarded for your efforts, even if there’s no evidence to back that up, at least that you can see at this moment.

Falling

Sports and their analogies are very prevalent in my thinking and writing.  It’s not surprising as sports exists in every culture and at many different levels.  Baseball and Football in the US.  Soccer, Football to the rest of the world, in many, many countries.  And every other year, the Olympics bring to the world sports that we don’t get to see every day.  Sports participants have a relevancy in so many ways, you can’t help but draw from their experiences.

I saw an interview recently from Olympic ice skater Michelle Kwan who said when she started skating (at age 5!) her first coach spent a lot of time teaching her how to fall which really puzzled Michelle.  After all, should she be learning to skate?  What she later realized is her coach knew she’d be falling, and falling a lot, during her career and Michelle needed to learn that falling wasn’t fatal, that it was all part of the process and not really a big deal.  She just needed to pick herself up and get going again.  Falling didn’t end her performance.  She had to continue.  If she allowed herself to become paralyzed from fear when she fell or thinking she might fall, then that was what was going to end her performance.

Falling, and falling again, then falling some more, is what happens every day with almost everything we attempt at life.  Those miserable 10 pounds (ok 25 pounds!)?  So you had a bad day fueling yourself, that doesn’t mean you give up a healthy lifestyle forever.  Yes, you know smoking is bad for you and you know you had a drag when stress got the better of you.  So start right back on your no smoking path the next day.  Those new business clients you were going to research for work?  So maybe you spent the day on the couch channel surfing instead of diligently plugging away at the computer.  Vow to do the needed work first thing tomorrow morning.

Learning to fall and not letting it stop you in your tracks is key to continuing your forward progress.  You might as well admit it’s going to happen.  How you handle this eventuality determines how successful you’ll be in your journey.  And bruises, while not very pretty, do fade.

Bruises

Did you ever go through your day, just doing what you do everyday, then get home that night and when you are putting on your pj’s you look down and say, now where did I get that bruise?  I don’t remember banging into something.  Did I get hit in passing?  It’s going to be an ugly one, going to stick around for days.  Hmmm.  That’s a puzzler.

Those are the bruises we can see.  We don’t remember when we got them but we know we have them.  They’ll go through their phases of healing, first black, then green then this putrid yellow, finally just fading into nothing, no trace it was ever there.  It occurred to me, as I looked at 2 I swear got from a virus in the air, that there are other bruises we can’t see and may not know are there.  Like the one I have from the oh-so-wonderful fellow castmate, who as I was about to step on stage for my first line, said “please stop stepping on my lines”.  Wow. Talk about sabotage.  Then there are the ones that are long buried, the ones from the nasty kids at school that shape how we act with others.  Or the ones from our family that were meant to help us (in their minds) but instead cut us most cruelly and undermined our self confidence.  Or the partner whose idea of supporting you is to mention how few feature films ever get made and how many more porn films are made, so maybe you should go into that field.  These are the ones that are the hardest to heal.  Oh we’ve buried them, but they come up at the most inopportune times and smack us right between the eyes with their fresh, ugly purpleness.  Healing those takes a lot of patience, understanding and forgiveness.  And knowledge that it may come around again to smack you with a 2 x 4 in the gut.  But they get better.  And easier to deal with and dismiss.  Hopefully they’ll one day just fade into nothing.

Putting It All Together

We’ve all done it.  Attended a conference, workshop or diet farm where we learned oodles of great tips and skills to help us get to the next level in whatever we are trying to achieve.  Our bags are stuffed with great ideas we have every intention of implementing the moment we arrive home.  This is a new beginning by golly and we’re going to just soar with all we’ve learned.  Then our feet cross the threshold of our homes and all that great knowledge, drive and determination go poof! right out of our noggin.  And before we know it, 4 months have passed, you’re cleaning out your office and what’s this?  Oh, it’s that stuff from that thing I went to back when.  What was it I was going to do with all that stuff?  I’ll just push it aside for a while longer.

This time, I’m really going to try to have a different outcome.  I’m going to put together a schedule for myself and make every attempt to stick to it.  It will take self discipline and determination and I know I may fall off the wagon but I’ll really try to get back on track.  Wish me luck!

Just go

Serendipity is a pretty amazing thing.  Be it chance or luck or karma or the universe putting opportunities in your path, when it happens, it’s really cool.  I was traveling recently and had a layover from a red eye flight in Dallas.  Prevailing winds were so strong eastbound that we landed 25 minutes earlier than scheduled and I think we were the first flight into DFW that day.  I had a several hour layover so I headed to the lounge to freshen up, grab some refreshments and check my email.  Most airport lounges offer free wifi which is an awesome perk.  We were so early to arrive that the lounge still had a half an hour before it opened.  When the doors finally swung open, there were quite a few of us rushing them and the elevators were full with each trip.  I happened to notice the suitcase of one of my fellow stuffed in people.  It was from a now defunct network that was affiliated with several stations I used to sell.  I commented to the owner how much I missed that network and asked what station he was with.  He replied “no station” and I continued to babble on thinking all the while he looked like a sports guy I must have seen on a promotional piece somewhere.  So I then asked him if he was with the network and he replied no, he was on a show for them.  The elevator doors then opened, mind you all this happened in a 1 floor lift ride and we dispersed into the club.  Me to freshen up and him to parts unknown.

As I was de-stinking all my parts, I was thinking about the interchange that had just happened and what to do about it.  I’ve had several opportunities recently where I’ve been in the same place as a person of note but either because of nerves or shyness or respect for their privacy haven’t taken advantage of them.  And I’ve kicked myself each time.  So I wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass me by.  I left the bathroom and commenced my search for this person.  I soon found him relaxing with a cup of coffee and approached saying “can I pick your brain?  Feel free to tell me to go pound sand but I’m an actress and I’d love to hear your story.”  And he most graciously said sure and put up with my questions for the next 90 minutes.

So this guy has had quite a bit of success in his professional life.  Call it luck, call it earned, call it whatever you want but one of the nuggets he shared in a bucketful of nuggets is something his Dad said to do and that was to just go.  I think the puzzled expression on my face spoke volumes so he elaborated.  Even if it’s a job where you don’t think it’s right for you, or the character is someone you don’t connect with or the pay may not be what you’re used to, just go, do your best as you never know what may come of that opportunity.  Resist the urge to say “nah” but instead jump at the chance to work.  There may be people at that gig that will hire you, finance your next project or recommend you for something.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “nah” in the past.  But in the future, I’ll be saying “yah” a lot more!

Fruits of Labor

A green thumb is something I think I have.  Not the most prolific green thumb but more things live under my care than die.  But I’ve always been challenged when it comes to growing tomatoes.  I have enough sun on top of my deck as it sits on the roof so that’s not an issue.  I’ve tried for years to grow tomatoes to no avail.   They grow in the pots but never really bear fruit.  Last year I started them too late in the season as I’d been traveling throughout the month of June so they didn’t get planted until July.  Not enough growing time as our summer is short enough to begin with.  Add to that the lateness of the planting and you get whole lotta nuttin’.  This year however, I planted in late May.  Instead of pots I used the Topsy-Turvy you see advertised on TV.  Well actually I’m doing an experiment, one plant is in a pot and a duplicate is in the Topsy-Turvy.  This way I can see if their television claims really do hold up.  So far, the Topsy is winning.  I also planted one with cucumbers and one with red peppers.  They seem to be flourishing as well.

The other evening I was grilling my  dinner and I thought I’d check to see if any of the red tomatoes were ready to be picked.  Lo and behold, 2 were.  They weren’t big by any stretch, about the size of large racquetballs, but boy were they good.  I was so excited to finally be tasting my tomatoes, the ones I’d grown and watered every day religiously and almost even burned out with too much fertilizer.  After all if some fertilizer was good, lots should be ever better right?  Maybe I should go back and read that children’s book by Helen Palmer called A Fish Out Of Water, just so I actually learn the lesson she’s teaching.  But they survived my efforts and I am starting to enjoy them.

I thought about this when 2 things happened the next day.  I got a call from something I’d submitted to over 2 months ago and had completely forgotten about.  Delightful lady.  She wanted to talk further and have me do some more specific auditioning for her.   Turns out we might actually do some business together.  Then later I received an email from another piece of business I’d submitted on over a month ago with some additional information and a request for a more refined bid.  I didn’t get the job but both of these contacts were from submissions I’d done weeks ago that I’d long forgotten.  Made me realize the work I’m doing today may not bear fruit for quite a while.  Gave me the energy to pick up the phone and continue cold calling.  Who knows what’s germinating out there?  I’ve got more tomatoes on the vine ripening every day.