Patching holes

Last summer my brother and brother-in-law came up to help me do some minor repairs that I’d been putting off for quite a while.  It was a very busy weekend but great progress was made which I continued for several weeks after they left.  One of the biggest things they help me take care of were two big holes I had, one in a ceiling due to a leak and the other in a wall due to some long ago plumbing work.  The ceiling hole was the newest of the two but was most definitely the biggest.  The wall hole had been there probably 7 years.  Maybe even longer.  I was pretty astounded I’d let it go that long.  Once it was patched and the walls painted and everything else taken care of, I felt like I had a brand new room.  I couldn’t believe I’d let this go for so long.  But in the rush of life, I’d put these repairs and the tattered state of my home in the background along with all the other visual white noise my brain doesn’t see.  Now I go into that room and it makes me smile every time I flip on the light.

Finally patching the holes and doing these repairs made me realize I’d let quite a few areas of my life become neglected and needing repair.  It seems I’d lost the forest while looking at the daily trees.  Note to self, let’s not let that happen again.  Now where did I put that drill?

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Falling

Sports and their analogies are very prevalent in my thinking and writing.  It’s not surprising as sports exists in every culture and at many different levels.  Baseball and Football in the US.  Soccer, Football to the rest of the world, in many, many countries.  And every other year, the Olympics bring to the world sports that we don’t get to see every day.  Sports participants have a relevancy in so many ways, you can’t help but draw from their experiences.

I saw an interview recently from Olympic ice skater Michelle Kwan who said when she started skating (at age 5!) her first coach spent a lot of time teaching her how to fall which really puzzled Michelle.  After all, should she be learning to skate?  What she later realized is her coach knew she’d be falling, and falling a lot, during her career and Michelle needed to learn that falling wasn’t fatal, that it was all part of the process and not really a big deal.  She just needed to pick herself up and get going again.  Falling didn’t end her performance.  She had to continue.  If she allowed herself to become paralyzed from fear when she fell or thinking she might fall, then that was what was going to end her performance.

Falling, and falling again, then falling some more, is what happens every day with almost everything we attempt at life.  Those miserable 10 pounds (ok 25 pounds!)?  So you had a bad day fueling yourself, that doesn’t mean you give up a healthy lifestyle forever.  Yes, you know smoking is bad for you and you know you had a drag when stress got the better of you.  So start right back on your no smoking path the next day.  Those new business clients you were going to research for work?  So maybe you spent the day on the couch channel surfing instead of diligently plugging away at the computer.  Vow to do the needed work first thing tomorrow morning.

Learning to fall and not letting it stop you in your tracks is key to continuing your forward progress.  You might as well admit it’s going to happen.  How you handle this eventuality determines how successful you’ll be in your journey.  And bruises, while not very pretty, do fade.

I’m Having Difficulty…

All too often, I really don’t pay attention to the words I use when I speak to myself.   The language I use isn’t the kindest or the most encouraging.  I say things like “shame on me” and “I can’t”.  The shame on me is pretty harsh and brings down judgment, regret and well, shame.  I’ve been working on this as I used to say it with frequency, not even registering what I was telling myself.  Shame on me.  Wow.  Slips in before you know it.

Then there’s the insidious “I can’t”.  Boy oh boy does that one creep in faster than a speeding bullet.  It’s not always verbalized but it’s there nonetheless.  It’s there when I fall short of a goal and don’t keep trying to meet it.  It’s there when I think it’s too cold/hot outside to work out.  It’s there when I don’t get hired for a VO or On Camera gig and I rationalize with I can’t be the voice, or the image they have in their mind.  It’s there more than I realize.  And I’m not one to give up easily on things.  Remember I’m the queen of “me do it”.  But it still exists in my vernacular anyway.  Saying “I can’t” is saying there’s absolutely no way to make something happen.  And there’s always a way to work around a problem or figure out a solution.

I’m not asking for superhuman efforts or perfection of myself.  What I’m asking for is a rethinking of the language I use to talk to myself.  Instead of saying “I can’t” I’m going to try to start saying “I’m having difficulty”.  It may be semantics but I think the way we talk to ourselves and to others has a far greater impact than I’ve realized in the past.  And it’s not one big change that will make a big difference but the thousands of little changes I make in my everydayness that will help me achieve my goals.

Silly Obstacles

I stopped writing for a while.  I couldn’t figure out why as I really enjoyed doing it.  And for the most part I appreciated the comments and the feedback I received from the 3 people that read my posts and commented.  But for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to continue with the endeavor.  And it was really bugging me that I couldn’t pinpoint the cause or the event that precipitated my ceasing to put fingers to keys (the modern day version of pen to paper I guess!).  I let it sit for a really long time and didn’t do anything about it.  I didn’t even think about the issue, or so I thought.  It was never far from my brain.  I’d ruled out having nothing to say because honey I ALWAYS have something to say.  Just ask my closest friends and family.  I’m sure they’d admit under their breath and out of my hearing that me having nothing to say would be a refreshing change of pace.  But there you have it, I’m a talker.  And a writer.

So what was with this aversion all of the sudden?  After cogitating (see Willie Shakespeare, I can make up words too!) on it for several weeks, ok months I know, I think I may have figured it out.  And it’s a situation that isn’t going to go away, especially if I have the kind of career I want to have going forward.  The details of the issue aren’t important.  What is key here is realizing I was letting someone stop me from expressing myself fully.  That’s an old behavior I thought I’d put on the shelf long ago.  Apparently not.  I was surprised it reared back up but there you have it.  It’s back and needs to be dealt with.  And the pen needs to be put to paper once again.

Staying Enthused

I’m in the middle of a big project.  One that has been in the writing and planning stages for several months now.  It’s a web series called Mags N Mel that I’ve co-written with Maritza Cabrera and we are co-producing and starring in it.  It’s been a lot of work to get to this point and now we are halfway through shooting all the episodes.  A feeling I used to feel when I was doing a play is starting to come over me and I’m a bit surprised at it’s appearance.

When you are planning something big there is a lot of excitement and enthusiasm leading up to the commencement of it.  Months of planning, writing, rehearsing, what ifs and how abouts.  All leading up to that first day or first performance or first launch.  There’s so much energy in the air, you can feel it.  Then you start and that feeling carries you through the first day or so.  And then you realize, this is going to be a grind.  More so that I thought it would be.  And that feeling always surprises me because I don’t expect it.  It’s happened midway through the run of a play, when my closet contents are spread all over the floor and when I’ve commenced a complicated craft project.  That’s when the “ugh” factor kicks in and it’s not fun anymore.  It’s work.  I thought it was going to be fun!

We started this project for various reasons, to get ourselves in the Screen Actors Guild, put ourselves and our friends to work, create content and put our writing skills to use.  All of these objectives have been accomplished but the project isn’t finished yet.  Finding the enthusiasm and the drive not to mention the money to finish what I’ve started isn’t going to be easy but finishing it will be so rewarding.  This is usually when I wish I had Samantha Stevens bewitching nose to just twinkle it into completion!

Magic Bullets

It’s been a very challenging week.  First I realized I didn’t have the sultry voice I longed for, an hard realization to come to grips with.  Then another boom was lowered when I realized there was no magic bullet in my future that would catapult me into the stratosphere of my career.  No secret code to open the doors to riches and fame and back to back bookings.  No superpower guaranteed to make me the voice or the face in every auditor’s head.  Crap.  This really ticked me off.  It finally hit me that this wasn’t going to be a wee bit of hard work and then ta-da!  Here’s your dream career.  It was going to be a slog, a pretty long hard slog at that.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of hard work.  I relish a challenge.  Don’t be in my way when someone tells me I can’t do something, I’m sure to run you over in my quest to prove them wrong.  But I have to admit, I’ve bought into the instant gratification of our society.  What do you mean I haven’t lost any weight?  I’ve been dieting for 48 hours now?  What’s the problem?  Get me a pill for this right away.  Computers don’t help much.  We can email someone and it appears in second in their in box while we’re Skyping with each other.  Graphic intensive web sites load in less than a second.  We get real time feeds of weather radar so we know almost to the minute when the storm will be raging over our heads.  All of these things serve to reinforce that I should have a fully functioning and highly profitable career 10 minutes ago.

After I got over my rather substantial hissy fit, it hit me that accepting this annoying fact was somewhat liberating.  It actually put more control back in my hands.  If I no longer was waiting for the fairy godmother, Genie or leprechaun to bless me with the secret formula, I could now go out and make my own magic.  It would involve cold calling like I did a lifetime ago.  Asking people for help, something I’m really not very good at.  Researching who is who within a company.  And doing this over and over again week after week.  But I was no longer waiting for my career to happen to me, I making my career happen.  Seems rather simple when you think about it.  And a little less exciting than matching all 6 numbers in the multigazillion dollar Powerball lottery.  But I’ve done this before and did it rather well.  I can do it again.