An Important Question

The other day I got to spend the entire day on set filming a short film written, produced and featuring a friend of mine, Grace McPhillips, who most wonderfully included me in this project.  It was a fabulous day indeed.  I was surrounded by a cast and crew that were inspiring in their creativity and professionalism.  It made my heart sing to be around these people.  It was a mix of wise veterans and enthusiastic students which made it all the more energizing.  The set was built from scratch and was incredible.  The creativity of the shots and lighting was spectacular.  I can’t wait to see the end product.

As I left after the end of a 14+ hour day, I was walking to my car in 93 degree heat (and it was almost 10pm at night!) I realized that I had so much fun and was so fulfilled from the day, that if I never made a dime from my efforts, I would do this for the rest of my life.  Realizing that made me stop in my tracks, no easy task carrying several wardrobe options, a rollaboard suitcase, lawn chair and bucket bag filled with overflow necessities.  Independent films are very tightly budgeted so I’ve learned to bring with me any- and everything I might need to get though the day, including bread and water and a place to rest my weary bones.

But back to our story, as I was driving home with a ridiculous grin on my face having acknowledged this wonderful day and the realization that it was indeed something I would do should no money every be offered, I had the thought that I should be asking myself this question with every endeavor I undertake.  If I can answer yes to that question, that is, would I do this if I never make a dime on it?, then it is a endeavor to be followed up on.  I’m pretty sure this qualifier will guide me well as I travel forward.

Coagulation

I haven’t written for a while.  At first it was a break because I was in the middle of shooting the web series I’m producing.  Then the holidays rushed in to take my attention with all the shopping, wrapping and requisite joy.  Once that subsided, I kept thinking I needed to get back to writing but never did.  So I figured I really didn’t have anything to say.  I would write when something came to me, but it never did.  I gave up trying to force it.

Three nights ago, I was researching insurance companies because I need to find health insurance.  This has been going on for several weeks as it is such an overwhelming process and I kept putting it off.  Going through it makes me long for the days when I was a corporate employee and I had to just pick from 2 choices that were clearly identified -HMO or PPO.  It’s enough to almost go back to the 9-5 grind…almost.  Anywho, this research extended well into the next day.  It was so complicated that I kept getting frustrated, stopping and turning to web surfing, email, TV, anything to get my mind off this monumental task. I kept having to pull myself back to the task at hand.   Which didn’t make my focus or my progress very good.  Finally by early evening, I had narrowed down my choices on 3 different providers and sent off a note to my insurance broker with my selections and a some questions for her.

Then a funny thing happened.  I truly felt a physical sense of relief.  I relaxed.  As I moved the now 2 inch file off my desk, I could feel my brain shifting.  For the first time in a long time, I felt like writing.  So I did.  And not just one post but two with ideas for 2 more.  And I started thinking of ideas I’d like to either produce, write or act in.  The creative juices started flowing again…finally!  I didn’t realize it at first, but when I noticed what I was working on, it hit me that I’d been so stressed about this insurance thing that it had stunted all my thinking.  The very nature of this insurance project and the fact that I’d put it off for so long, had taken all my energy away from everything I love to do.  My brain was just existing, it wasn’t thriving.  Creativity had slowed to a halt, and the insurance stuff had coagulated my imagination.

I’m not through this process yet.  And it’s an awful process.  But you better believe I’m going to attack the next step much faster and with less agita.  Peeling the bandaid off slowly just extends the pain.  Better to rip it off, feel the momentary ouch and move on.

Kid Magic

I have to be the luckiest aunt in the universe.  I am blessed with some great nieces and nephews and I’m not just saying that because they are going to have to help Aunt Pam wipe the drool off her face when she’s older and more senile than she is today.  I’ve a good mixture of genders and ages so I really get a cross section of the stages in a child’s life.  They’re all still young so there’s lots of learning and exploring to experience.  Whenever I feel stuck in a rut or down about something, I phone one of my siblings and ask for some kid time.  Let me tell you, it’s one of the greatest gifts I give to myself.  Getting down on the floor and playing make believe with some sticks and cardboard and miscellanea and coming up with a very plausible story out of it all is the best way to unlock one’s creative juices.  I even learn stuff from them.  I mean real stuff.  One of them who’s just started reading chapter books, informed me that Teddy Roosevelt was president from 1901-1909 and when pressed about accuracy, pulled out the book and pointed to the section of text where it could be found.  Remember I need irrefutable facts to believe a statement.  But I can guarantee I’ll never forget the years of TR’s presidency ever!  Kids don’t care if an audition went south or the car is acting up or whatever else ails you in the day.  Kids are immediate in every sense of the word.  Keeping me in the present and active in the conversation, not worrying about stuff that really doesn’t matter at the moment, can’t be resolved by fretting  and most likely is just mind taffy anyway.  It’s a super power they have and they don’t even know it.  But if  you look real close, you might see a few of them in capes zooming around.  I’ll be right behind them trying to shake the cobwebs off my cape.