Inertia

I’ll admit it.  I’m lazy.  I would rather stay in bed or on the couch all day.  I hate that I have to exercise to get healthy and feel good.  I want my hair to look perfect everyday with no effort at all.  And I would trade my right arm for the ability to beam myself from one place to another, or at least Samantha Stevens nose wrinkle myself to another place with perfection.  Alas, this is not to be.  But I fight the inertia urge every single day.  On some days, it’s every single moment of the day.  It is all I can do to virtually and physically put one foot in front of the other to continue the minute forward progress I try to achieve with each day.  Especially when I’m not getting feedback on what I’m putting out there.  That’s the funny thing about auditioning.  You just put it out to the universe, either on video or audio tape, and you just let it go.  You’ll rarely if ever get any feedback on how you did.  Unless of course you are hired.  That’s always interesting to explain to “civilians”.  They always eagerly ask about how it’s going and what I’ve done recently.  I’ll usually mention the latest thing I auditioned for which is followed up by their well meaning “when are you going to hear back about it?”  That’s the rub.  I won’t hear about it.  I’ll know when the recording date passes and I’ve not been contacted.

So I keep plugging along, in a Sisyphean manner, rolling my rock up the hill every day.  He did it without hope of ever reaching the top, a punishment for his egotistical belief that he was smarter than Zeus.  I do have hope of reaching the top one day but in the meantime, I must roll my big boulder of inertia off before I can start forward.  Ah…to be able to say “Beam me up Scotty”.

There’s no place like home

Do you ever get that uneasy feeling?  The one that comes from the realization that not enough right is happening in your life.   So of course you need to shake things up, make some stuff happen, just get SOMETHING moving in a direction, any direction will do.  You can call it restlessness if you want .  Or maybe it’s dissatisfaction.  Whatever it is, it doesn’t feel good.  So by golly let’s make a change.  All of the sudden you start considering things you’d never consider before, like oh I don’t know, maybe moving to New York or LA.  After all, I am an actor right?  Why wouldn’t I make a move there?  Makes perfect sense to me.  Or sheesh, I haven’t had a decent date in the back half of this decade so of course it’s a good idea to ring up an old flame to reignite something that is long dead and buried, thank heavens.  I’m sure all of the things that weren’t quite right then have all resolved themselves.  Or you quit your job, fire your agent, finally tell off your sister.  Anything to move the needle.  Get out of the funk that has overtaken your life.

I found myself in this exact situation recently.  Things aren’t moving as fast as I want them to in most aspects of my life.  I’ve got plans after all and a timeline which I expect to be met.  And when reality crashes into my expectations like 2 atoms at the new Hadron Collider, it really sends me into a downward spiral that threatens to overtake me.  So add to this lethal mix 2 New York based movies, Sex and the City and You’ve Got Mail with all their pretty pictures, nice people, beautiful apartments, perfect wardrobes, snappy lines, and you have the makings of a hare-brained idea to chuck all this and move to NY.  Brilliant right?  The rub is, when you get to NY or wherever you run too, once you unpack everything, you realize you’ve brought with you the same problems you had in the old location.  The only thing different is the zip code.  And you’ve compounded it once you realize you’ve left behind the support system you’d painstakingly built in your old locale.  So now you have to start all over building a new one and in your spare time, deal with your problem all by your lonesome.

It is said if you want to hear God laugh, just tell Him what you’ve got planned.  Whatever it is that isn’t right in your world, you have to fix it before you can move forward.  It sure would be easier to run away.  Sometimes being a grown up ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.