What is your Happiness?

The fall television season has started this week.  For the first time in a really long time, I don’t have the schedule memorized.  I don’t have to, it’s not my job anymore.  But I am trying to watch the new shows and am getting to know my old favorites once again.  One of my all-time faves is The Biggest Loser on NBC.  I am addicted to this show and find it to be very inspiring.  Yes, I am usually sitting on my couch while I am watching but I am inspired nonetheless!  The monumental task they have ahead of them is daunting.  Not only because of the physical limitations each contestant faces but the emotional and psychological baggage that needs to be managed.  One of the trainers, Bob Harper, was really pushing one of the female contestants, Shay, this past week.  She walked into the ranch the heaviest woman ever to be on the show.  The previous week she’d almost walked off the show because it got too hard.  This week as she was doing pushups, he was asking her about happiness.  Was she happy?  No she replied.  Why not?  When was the last time she remembers being happy?  She honestly couldn’t remember.  But didn’t she deserve happiness?  She couldn’t answer.  It took him several minutes of hard convincing for her to say out loud “I want to be happy”.  It was humbling to watch.  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d said out loud I wanted to be happy.  I did say to my Mom a few weeks ago that I was surprised to admit that in spite of all of the personal and professional turmoil I’d gone through this past year, this summer was the best one I could remember in all of my adult life.

Close but no cigar.  That really doesn’t count as asking for and admitting I deserve to be happy.  I’m not quite sure what my happiness will be but I think realizing that I want happiness and saying it out loud is a huge step.  Now I just have to figure out what that means for me and how I’m going to make that happen.