My nature is not one of patience. I walk fast, process multiple things quickly, try to stretch my time to get just one more thing squeezed in. These are all valuable skills when applied in appropriate manners and at appropriate times. Quick evaluations on the lengths of the lines at the Costco can get you on your way to your next errand. However these can also work against you when misused or not appropriate. Or when the goal is to experience something fully, not just check it off your list. When I am engrossed in a book for pleasure and the story is fantastic, the tension just keeps building beyond endurance, it is a battle of the wills to not look at the back of the book and see how it will all end. It takes every ounce of self discipline I possess, knowing I have the answer in my hands, to not cheat myself of the full experience that book is offering me with the unfolding of the story.
I suffer from this in my daily life as well, particularly now when everything is changing faster than I can process and my level of confidence is waning. I want assurances that the back of the book that is my life will come out just peachy, all will be well. I don’t have the answers in my hands as I do when I am reading so I can’t possibly look, nonetheless, I want to know the outcome. The bigger message I am missing in all this wanting, is I am missing out on the full experience that my life is offering me. And experiencing the experience is what this life is all about, not the outcome. Finding the courage to let go of the need to know what lies at the back of the book is the bigger battle of the wills.